Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
