if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
