I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
