I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
