I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
