remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sext me about skeletons
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
