If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
