My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
