Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
