Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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