oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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