She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
