I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
