Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
