LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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