So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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