Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My hand turned me down
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
