Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
