I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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