Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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