You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we're making bets on your personal life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
