i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
