I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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