She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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