FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
