They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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