I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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