You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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