a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
