two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
