Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
