She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize