YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
