Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
