The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
