the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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