Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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