Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
