hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
