I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Two words: nipple clamps
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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