Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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