cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Im part way to drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
