And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
