Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
