i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
