I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's always time for handjobs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is Oprah even human
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
