Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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