Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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