operation harelip BJ is a go
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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