I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
