No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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