The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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