I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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