what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
