anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize