I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have fence marks all over my body
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
