And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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