idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Damn victory sex feels great
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
