somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
