I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
