Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize